Tips for Loneliness in Lockdown: Therapists Weigh In
Photo by Marques Jackson Photography in NYC.
By Marnie Kunz
As pandemic life stretches on, many of us are experiencing extended loneliness that is hard to beat. The initial Netflix and chill (between panic attacks at the news) solution could only go so far as the pandemic months stretched on. With a long winter of social isolation ahead and new highs of covid-19, I decided to speak with some therapists for help. Here are their tips on how to deal with loneliness in lockdown, including how you can overcome the potentially debilitating effects of long-term isolation.
The good news is that there are some simple yet powerful steps you can take to preserve and restore your mental health during this tough time, and plenty of people are available who can help.
Effects of Loneliness in Lockdown
In research conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 40.9% of Americans reported increased negative mental health symptoms as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. Even more alarming, 25.5% of respondents aged 18-24 reported serious thoughts of suicide in the past 30 days.
The effects of living through the coronavirus pandemic and the huge shifts in our daily lives have been far-reaching. If you are experiencing loneliness, depression, and anxiety, know that you are not alone.
“Isolation increases the feelings of loneliness and forces us to not have our usual amounts of social connection,” according to Diana Cusumano, LMHC, NCC, RYT, Director of JED Campus & Wellness Initiatives, The Jed Foundation. “This can sometimes then lead to feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety and disruption in our sleep and eating habits.”
Pets make great lockdown companions. Kita Kiyoshi is my pandemic pup and fur kid.
If you are feeling lonely in your pandemic life, you may be experiencing effects you didn’t realize were connected, such as trouble sleeping, heightened anxiety or depression.
Long-term Loneliness and Personality Types
The long-term loneliness can be particularly hard to bear for extroverts and “people people” who are fueled by interactions with others. For introverts, the initial social isolation may have been a welcome relief for a short time.
"The effects of isolation are different for each person, with some enjoying the low pressure, low socialization aspects of the pandemic,” says Eric Patterson, LPC, of Choosing Therapy. “Rather than become anxious about going places and doing things, they can remain comfortable in the safety and security of their homes. Other people will quickly experience the pain and discomfort of being alone. They instantly miss the sense of warmth and connection afforded by face-to-face socialization.”
Being alone can be particularly hard to bear for those of us who get energized from being around people. Not just extroverts are at risk, however. As the pandemic stretches on toward the one-year mark, everyone is dealing with the effects of long-term social isolation. What started as a forced break from people and social gatherings has become a long-term lifestyle that none of us were prepared for.
“When we add increased time, the consequences of isolation grow,” Patterson says. “People can get through a few weeks or a few months with limited contact, but when the period approaches a year, more people will struggle. Those who thrive on contact may make desperate attempts to feel well by putting their physical health at risk during social gatherings, or they may rely on substances to cope. People who initially enjoyed the peace and quiet may be surprised to find they now long for social contact. Worse, they may be so out of practice that their communication and relationship skills are damaged long-term.”
So to all my fellow anxious people, are we gonna meet up and be awkward after all this or what? Jokes aside, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert or somewhere in the middle, not being able to have much human contact can be very challenging for mental health.
Are We Really In This Together?
Before we get too down about it all though, it’s important to recognize that, no mater who you are or what your personality type is, you are not alone in feeling lonely right now. It has become the pandemic cliche but “we are all in this together” is actually true. Whether we talk about it or not, we all are struggling to adjust to a vastly different life and world, one where we can’t hug our loved ones or see our best friends at work every day. Knowing that it is temporary (even if it feels so long) and that everyone is going through it can be comforting.
Tips for Loneliness in Lockdown
The good news is that there are many ways you can combat longterm loneliness and its effects on your mental health. Here are some tips from the experts:
Stay connected with your social circles. Now is the time for technology to save us. “Make sure to set up regular check-ins with loved ones, colleagues, friends, and so on via phone calls, Zoom calls, and practicing safe social distancing if meeting outside in person,” Cusumano says. If you are feeling down or alone, reach out and call a friend or arrange a video chat. Hello, FaceTime.
Follow a schedule. You don’t have to be obsessive about it but creating a general schedule can help you adjust to pandemic life and give you a sense of normalcy during this weird time. Schedule regular social time to catch up with family and friends, and also pencil in some time outdoors to further boost your mental health.
Learn a new skill or practice an old one. “Dealing with loneliness is tricky because people think that increasing social contact is the only solution,” Patterson says. “In reality, people can indirectly improve their loneliness by engaging in numerous healthy coping skills to soften the blow of isolation. Some good examples include learning a new skill such as playing guitar, learning Italian, cooking adventurous meals, or a new form of exercise are great options.” Can I get a run, run! Incorporating exercise and new skills into your pandemic life will help lessen the intensity of your loneliness and boost feel-good chemicals in your brain. So sign up for that class or try a new workout program that pushes you to higher fitness levels.
Get comfortable with yourself. Some people will do anything to avoid being alone, but really, what is wrong with hanging out with the best person ever - yourself?! In your free time, indulge in things you love to do, such as reading, drawing, writing, dancing, or singing. Remind yourself that you are a pretty cool person and have your own interests and skills. “Loneliness, in many ways, is a frustration with the self,” says Patterson. “Some people do not feel comfortable being alone for long periods because they do not like their own company. To combat this, people should spend time fostering their self-esteem and exploring their strengths." Lockdown is a great time to get to know yourself and explore your interests. Many of us have such busy lives normally that we never have time to write, read, play outside, or do the things we loved as a kid. There is no time like the present to get back into these hobbies. You may even find a new career or life purpose after all the reflection and exploration time.
Comfort in pets. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, pets offer many stress relief and mental health benefits, including easing anxiety and depression. If you’re in a financial position to be able to adopt a pet right now and you know you will still be able to care for your pet after pandemic life ends, it is a great time to bring a furry friend into your home. I adopted my Akita dog, Kita Kiyoshi, during a lonely summer lockdown, and she has been an amazing, calming influence on my anxiety, a great hiking companion, movie night cuddler, and protector. I am also training her to run with me.
Reach out for help. If you find yourself stuck in a depression or feel like you’re losing hope, do not hesitate to reach out for help. “You can contact your local mental health association as well as call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 and using Crisis Textline- by typing HOME to 741741,” Cusumano says. If you are struggling with substance abuse, you can reach out to Alcoholics Anonymous or Recovery Dharma for lots of free online support groups and resources. I included more help links in the Resources below.
How have you been dealing with loneliness in lockdown? Share your tips in the comments.
Resources: National Suicide Prevention Hotline, Crisis Text Line for free mental health text support, Recovery Dharma for substance abuse help, National Domestic Violence Hotline
Related Posts: How to Avoid Toxic Positivity, 10 Ways to De-Stress Now, Tips to Stay Motivated When You Aren’t Training for a Race, How to Run with Your Dog
Marnie Kunz is a NASM-certified trainer and USATF- and RRCA-certified running coach, Akita mom, and the creator of Runstreet Art Runs, which bring together communities through running and street art. She is a Brooklyn resident, running coach and writer. She enjoys traveling, art, eating messily, and apologizing to her unimpressed furry friend, Kita Kiyoshi. You can follow her running and events at @Runstreet Instagram and Runstreet Facebook.
